May 16
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
Georgie Henley, Skandar Keynes, William Moseley, Anna Popplewell, Ben Barnes
Directed by Andrew Adamson
The gist: The second film based on C.S. Lewis’ series of fantasy novels finds the Pevensie children teaming up with a young prince to overthrow his evil uncle.
Why it might rock: The first film was a fun, crowd-pleasing fantasy adventure.
Why it might suck: Haven’t we seen enough epic fantasy adventures in the last few years? Will this really offer anything new?
May 22
See this movie!
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Harrison Ford, Shia LaBoeuf, Karen Allen
Directed by Steven Spielberg
Spielberg is the king of the summer movies (see Jaws, Jurassic Park, Minority Report, etc.), and the Indiana Jones series is the jewel in his crown. These films feel like a boy’s dream vacation, full of sun, sand, chases, escapes, secret passages and treasure maps. It took an astonishing 19 years to follow up the last entry, but the 65-year-old Ford looks as if he can still pull off the very physical title role. The plot is still secret, but we can assume it has something to do with a crystal skull, though writer/producer George Lucas has warned viewers not to get their hopes too high. (“It’s just a movie,” he told USA Today.) Indy was originally based on Saturday-morning cliffhanger serials, but now every summer movie from The Goonies to Tomb Raider to Pirates of the Caribbean owes him a debt. It’s the summer movie to lead them all.
–Jeffrey M. Anderson
May 23
Postal
Zack Ward, Dave Foley, Chris Coppola
Directed by Uwe Boll
The gist: Frequent video game-to-film adapter Boll takes a stab at the controversial Postal series, known for its crude humor and exceptional violence.
Why it might rock: The jokes promise to be unencumbered by any boundaries of decency. Kids in the Hall alum Foley has a full frontal scene, if you’ve been hoping for one.
Why it might suck: No film from Boll (Bloodrayne, Alone in the Dark) hasn’t sucked.
May 30
Sex and the City
Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Cynthia Nixon, Kristin Davis
Directed by Michael Patrick King
The gist: The NYC singletons from the hit HBO show are back, although they’re not so single anymore.
Why it might rock: Longtime show writer and producer King, along with the entire original cast, should be able to recapture the vibe that made Carrie Bradshaw & Co. so popular.
Why it might suck: Aren’t these women, like, 100 now?
The Strangers
Liv Tyler, Scott Speedman, Gemma Ward
Directed by Bryan Bertino
The gist: A couple returns home one night only to be terrorized by three masked strangers. Allegedly inspired by true events, and apparently inspired by every horror film ever made.
Why it might rock: The trailer features creepy glimpses of the home invaders, reminiscent of the Halloween movies.
Why it might suck: And how many of the Halloween movies were good?
The Fall
Lee Pace, Catinca Untaru, Justine Waddell
Directed by Tarsem Singh
The gist: A hospitalized young girl in the 1920s strikes up a friendship with a man who entertains her with fantastical stories.
Why it might rock: Singh’s last film was the visually astonishing Jennifer Lopez thriller The Cell.
Why it might suck: The Cell was also astonishingly nonsensical.
June 6
Kung Fu Panda
Voices of Jack Black, Angelina Jolie, Lucy Liu
Directed by John Stevenson and Mark Osborne
The gist: Black voices the laziest panda in ancient China—who also happens to be a prophesied martial arts master.
Why it might rock: It’s Jack Black as a sarcastic panda who does kung fu!
Why it might suck: It’s Jack Black as a sarcastic panda who does kung fu.
You Don’t Mess With the Zohan
Adam Sandler, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Rob Schneider
Directed by Dennis Dugan
The gist: Sandler plays the James Bond of Mossad agents, who fakes his own death in order to pursue his true calling: styling hair in New York.
Why it might rock: Even the dumbest Sandler vehicle can haul a heavy load of hilarity, and this screenplay has the Midas touch of Judd Apatow.
Why it might suck: Sandler’s bizarre characters with funny accents are hit and miss. Remember Little Nicky? I hope not.
June 13
See this movie!
The Happening
Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel, John Leguizamo
Directed by M. Night Shyamalan
Okay, so Lady in the Water was a complete disaster, and The Village was mostly a mess, but Shyamalan still has great instincts when it comes to suspense, and a solid sense of the supernatural. When his movies are good—The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, Signs—they’re excellent balances between big emotional moments and well-worn genre tropes that Shyamalan is somehow able to make seem new again. The creepy trailers for this film, which is about a mysterious event that threatens humanity, convey an effective feeling of dread and mystery, and the cast is filled with actors who should be able to carry Shyamalan’s serious, pulpy dialogue (plus, he hasn’t given himself the role of humanity’s savior this time around). Now that he’s been humbled by a bit of box-office failure, Shyamalan looks to be focused on what really matters: just telling a good story. –Josh Bell
The Incredible Hulk
Edward Norton, Liv Tyler, Tim Roth
Directed by Louis Leterrier
The gist: The angry, green-skinned superhero gets a reboot after the disappointing 2003 Ang Lee adaptation.
Why it might rock: Norton will imbue the conflicted Hulk character with gravity, and Leterrier promises a lot more action than Lee delivered.
Why it might suck: Rumors of behind-the-scenes turmoil have been circling for months, and Norton had to release a statement to the press just to assert that he wasn’t disowning the film.
June 20
See this movie!
The Love Guru
Mike Myers, Jessica Alba, Justin Timberlake
Directed by Marco Schnabel
The trailer didn’t blow my mind, and the concept doesn’t make me giddy with anticipation for the comic possibilities, and yet I can’t wait to see The Love Guru. Chock it up to Mike Myers withdrawal. The comedic genius who created Wayne Campbell, Austin Powers and Dr. Evil has been hiding his face behind an increasingly dull, green CG blob for five long years. Sure, I’d be delighted to see Myers back behind his groovy thick-framed glasses or under that evil skullcap or even pushing those trademark Wayne bangs behind his ears, but instead, he’s giving us the guru Pitka. His new character could be an inanimate brick wall, and I’d still watch, and it would probably end up being hilarious. So on June 20, I’ll be giving The Love Guru a shot, if only to encourage Myers not to go back into hiding (whether it’s behind computer animation or latex Cat in the Hat makeup), because that would be bad karma. –Matthew Scott Hunter
Get Smart
Steve Carell, Anne Hathaway, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
Directed by Peter Segal
The gist: Carell plays legendarily inept secret agent Maxwell Smart in this adaptation of the classic TV series.
Why it might rock: Carell has proven his comedy chops in projects like The Office and The 40-Year-Old Virgin.
Why it might suck: Carell’s last big-budget project was the lame Evan Almighty.
June 27
WALL-E
Voices of Fred Willard, Jeff Garlin, Sigourney Weaver
Directed by Andrew Stanton
The gist: Pixar’s latest animated film follows the titular robot as he falls in love and becomes the great hope for the future of the human race.
Why it might rock: Pixar has an unimpeachable track record, and Stanton was the writer-director behind the wonderful Finding Nemo.
Why it might suck: WALL-E himself looks a bit like an R2-D2 rip-off, and his antics might get old quickly.
Wanted
James McAvoy, Angelina Jolie, Morgan Freeman
Directed by Timur Bekmambetov
The gist: A 20-something loser discovers that his father’s legacy grants him entrance into a secret superpowered society.
Why it might rock: Jolie takes time off from collecting orphans to fire guns while wearing skintight outfits.
Why it might suck: The dark edge of the graphic novel seems to have been blunted into blockbuster blandness.
July 2
Hancock
Will Smith, Charlize Theron, Jason Bateman
Directed by Peter Berg
The gist: Smith plays an irresponsible superhero who gets an image makeover, whether he likes it or not.
Why it might rock: It could be a clever take on the overdone superhero genre, and it’s an original concept not based on a comic book.
Why it might suck: Ultimately it’ll probably turn into another conventional superhero flick.
Kit Kittredge: An American Girl
Abigail Breslin, Joan Cusack, Max Thieriot
Directed by Patricia Rozema
The gist: We get an American Girl’s view of the Great Depression as little Kit Kittredge pursues her dream of being a reporter.
Why it might rock: The three telefilms inspired by the American Girl dolls and books have garnered acclaim and awards, and they didn’t have theatrical production values and a 12-year-old Oscar nominee.
Why it might suck: It is, however, still based on a toy, just like last year’s Transformers and Bratz.
July 11
Hellboy II: The Golden Army
Rob Perlman, Selma Blair, Doug Jones
Directed by Guillermo del Toro
The gist: The devilish superhero returns to fight an army of creatures literally from hell.
Why it might rock: Del Toro brings an inventive and unconventional approach to genre material like horror and action.
Why it might suck: The first Hellboy turned out to be disappointingly familiar.
Journey to the Center of the Earth 3-D
Brendan Fraser, Josh Hutcherson, Anita Briem
Directed by Eric Brevig
The gist: This modernization of the Jules Verne classic takes Fraser and two kids to the center of a vivid, computer-generated world.
Why it might rock: With three Mummy movies under his belt, Fraser knows how to make campy action and green-screen acting work.
Why it might suck: The trailer takes cheesiness to a whole new dimension.
Meet Dave
Eddie Murphy, Elizabeth Banks, Gabrielle Union
Directed by Brian Robbins
The gist: Diminutive aliens led by Eddie Murphy explore Earth in a vehicle disguised as … Eddie Murphy.
Why it might rock: The out-of-this-world premise of Murphy inside Murphy could be mined for countless original comic opportunities. And it’s nice to see Murphy inside something other than a latex fat suit.
Why it might suck: Murphy’s been on a losing streak lately and should probably be trying to draw our attention away from his last sci-fi comedy, The Adventures of Pluto Nash.
July 18
See this movie!
The Dark Knight
Christian Bale, Heath Ledger, Aaron Eckhart, Maggie Gyllenhaal
Directed by Christopher Nolan
I’ve stuck with the Batman movie franchise through the good (Batman, Batman Returns), the bad (Batman and Robin) and the ugly (Batman Forever), only mildly grumbling about the caricatured villains, the circus-like color schemes and the casting of Val Kilmer as the caped crusader. But when writer/director Nolan took the helm for Batman Begins (and now The Dark Knight), I took a hiatus from the complaining.
With his short but impressive resume, Nolan has proven that he can weave complex stories into movies that captivate rather than confuse. And with a plot that has to introduce the Joker and Harvey Dent while bringing back the Scarecrow, I’m glad that expert storyteller Nolan is in charge of the next installment of the Batman saga.
Plus, The Dark Knight gets points for utilizing the underappreciated talents of Christian Bale, a man whose acting skills should have by now won him more than a few little gold men.
Add to all that the pervasive viral marketing campaign, the praiseworthy supporting cast and the hype about Heath Ledger’s last complete performance, and it’s no wonder that The Dark Knight is my most anticipated summer movie. –Tasha Chemplavil
Mamma Mia!
Meryl Streep, Colin Firth, Pierce Brosnan, Amanda Seyfried
Directed by Phyllida Lloyd
The gist: Bride-to-be Sophie Sheridan invites her mother’s past suitors to her wedding in an effort to discover the identity of her father. A theatrical version of the ABBA-scored musical.
Why it might rock: Pedigree. It’s got the original Broadway show’s director, and anyone who’s seen the end of Stuck on You knows that Streep can sing.
Why it might suck: Chicago brought the musical back. Hairspray showed that it can be wildly popular summer fare. Could this be the first of the inevitable cash-in clones?
Space Chimps
Voices of Andy Samberg, Cheryl Hines, Patrick Warburton
Directed by Kirk De Micco
The gist: A free-spirited circus chimp is recruited to go on a dangerous space mission and save an alien civilization.
Why it might rock: Chimps + space = funny.
Why it might suck: Computer animation + B-list SNL star = waste of time.
July 25
The Longshots
Ice Cube, Keke Palmer, Tasha Smith
Directed by Fred Durst
The gist: The true story of an 11-year-old girl who became the first female quarterback in Pop Warner Football history, leading her team to the Pop Warner Super Bowl and her small Illinois town back to its former glory.
Why it might rock: As formulaic as they are, you can’t keep a good inspiring sports movie down.
Why it might suck: Because this movie sucked 25 years ago when it was called Quarterback Princess and starred Helen Hunt.
Step Brothers
Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly, Mary Steenburgen, Richard Jenkins
Directed by Adam McKay
The gist: Ferrell and Reilly play unemployed losers who become best friends when their parents get married.
Why it might rock: McKay has been behind the camera for Ferrell’s best comedies, Anchorman and Talladega Nights.
Why it might suck: Semi-Pro and Blades of Glory have demonstrated that the law of diminishing returns is in full effect when it comes to Ferrell’s overconfident-doofus shtick.
The X-Files: I Want to Believe
David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson, Amanda Peet, Billy Connolly
Directed by Chris Carter
The gist: FBI agents Mulder and Scully return to investigate the paranormal.
Why it might rock: TV series creator Carter promises a standalone story separate from the show’s convoluted mythology.
Why it might suck: Six years after the show went off the air, does anyone still care whether the duo finds evidence of aliens or not?
August 1
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
Brendan Fraser, Maria Bello, Jet Li
Directed by Rob Cohen
The gist: With a new director, an exchange of extraneous co-stars and a change of scenery, Fraser slips back into action-hero mode to combat more bandaged CG baddies.
Why it might rock: With the second installment, this series was already getting stale, but having Cohen on board is a good sign. Having passed on the follow-ups to his films XXX and The Fast and the Furious, the man has shown that he’s picky when it comes to sequels.
Why it might suck: Does anyone really want to see the latest Indiana Jones knockoff during a summer that has a bona fide Indiana Jones sequel?
The Rocker
Rainn Wilson, Josh Gad, Christina Applegate
Directed by Peter Cattaneo
The gist: Twenty years after Robert “Fish” Fishman was kicked out of ’80s hair band Vesuvius, he gets a second shot at his rock-god dreams when his nephew’s high school band reluctantly takes him on as a drummer.
Why it might rock: An overly enthusiastic guy with delusions of grandeur who doesn’t realize that everyone is grudgingly tolerant of him? Wilson makes that shtick work every week on The Office.
Why it might suck: There’s a reason Wilson’s character isn’t the star of The Office.
Swing Vote
Kevin Costner, Dennis Hopper, Kelsey Grammer
Directed by Joshua Michael Stern
The gist: Costner plays a blue-collar nobody down in New Mexico, who’s forced from apathy when his precocious daughter does … something … that brings the decision of the presidential election down to his one vote.
Why it might rock: It’s an election year, so the summer is ripe for a good political satire …
Why it might suck: … provided there’s anyone left in America who isn’t sick to death of election-year politics by August.
August 8
Fly Me to the Moon
Voices of Trevor Gagnon, Philip Daniel Bolden, David Gore
Directed by Ben Stassen
The gist: A trio of flies hitch a ride on the historic Apollo 11 flight to the moon, and end up saving it from disaster.
Why it might rock: Clearly, it will be a scathing expose of a massive cover-up.
Why it might suck: Chimps in space trump flies in space any day.
Pineapple Express
Seth Rogen, James Franco, Gary Cole
Directed by David Gordon Green
The gist: A pair of stoners go on the run after witnessing a murder.
Why it might rock: Rogen and producer Judd Apatow are the current kings of American screen comedy with the likes of Knocked Up and Superbad.
Why it might suck: Rogen and Apatow also teamed up to bring us Drillbit Taylor.
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2
Blake Lively, Alexis Bledel, America Ferrera, Amber Tamblyn
Directed by Sanaa Hamri
The gist: Three years after the events of the first film, the Sisterhood has moved on to college, but the pants are still making the rounds, along with a series of inspiring life lessons.
Why it might rock: What’s more comfortable than slipping back into a well-worn pair of old jeans?
Why it might suck: Rumor has it that all four actresses were reluctant to put the traveling pants back on but were contractually bound to do so.
August 15
Mirrors
Kiefer Sutherland, Amy Smart, Paula Patton
Directed by Alexandre Aja
The gist: A security guard discovers evil spirits within the mirrors of a department store.
Why it might rock: French horror director Aja made 2003’s creepy High Tension, and knows how to build suspense.
Why it might suck: Aja was also behind the despicable The Hills Have Eyes remake, and has a tendency to undermine his suspense with schlock.
Star Wars: The Clone Wars
Directed by Dave Filoni
The gist: Even after completing his prequels, George Lucas has shown that he can’t bring himself to move on from his beloved mythology. This animated feature is here to fill in a few more gaps in the lore.
Why it might rock: The Force was with the Cartoon Network’s Clone Wars shorts—an impressive series of zippy, stylized vignettes.
Why it might suck: The team behind those shorts has nothing to do with this movie.
Tropic Thunder
Ben Stiller, Jack Black, Robert Downey Jr.
Directed by Ben Stiller
The gist: The stars of a war movie find themselves caught in the middle of an actual guerrilla war.
Why it might rock: Stiller’s last genuinely funny movie was also the last one he directed, 2001’s Zoolander.
Why it might suck: Downey plays an actor who insists on playing his part in blackface, which might be hilariously offensive, or just disturbing and wrong.
August 22
The Accidental Husband
Uma Thurman, Colin Firth, Jeffrey Dean Morgan
Directed by Griffin Dunne
The gist: Thurman plays a bride-to-be who makes the startling discovery that she already has a husband on the books. She tracks down the man to seek an annulment, and if you can’t guess what happens next, you’ve never seen a romantic comedy.
Why it might rock: With misunderstandings and dual love interests, this film appears to have all the trappings of a successful rom-com. Plus, Firth seems to be a lucky rabbit’s foot for the genre.
Why it might suck: If there’s a single review that doesn’t include the work “formulaic,” it’ll be a miracle.
Bangkok Dangerous
Nicolas Cage, Shahkrit Yamnarm, Charlie Yeung
Directed by Danny Pang and Oxide Pang
The gist: An American hitman finds himself embroiled in Bangkok’s underworld and falling in love with a beautiful local.
Why it might rock: The Pangs directed the acclaimed Hong Kong original.
Why it might suck: Cage’s character has been changed from the original’s deaf-mute to a guy who talks like Nicolas Cage, which is never a good thing.
Crossing Over
Harrison Ford, Sean Penn, Ray Liotta
Directed by Wayne Kramer
The gist: Based on his 1996 short film (which had the same title, but far less star power), Kramer’s Crossing Over tackles the issue of immigration through stories of the Border Patrol.
Why it might rock: Look at that cast!
Why it might suck: Wait … does the presence of this many stars (particularly Penn) mean that this is another bloated, preachy, star-studded Hollywood message movie?
The House Bunny
Anna Faris, Colin Hanks, Emma Stone, Kat Dennings
Directed by Fred Wolf
The gist: A former Playboy Bunny becomes the house mother to a sorority of socially awkward girls who are—surprise!—really beautiful under their glasses and bad haircuts.
Why it might rock: Faris is charming even in crappy movies, and this has the potential to be breezy fun à la Legally Blonde (from the same writing team).
Why it might suck: More than likely, it’ll just be another predictable romantic comedy with hypocritical “be yourself” platitudes.
Wild Child
Emma Roberts, Nick Frost, Natasha Richardson
Directed by Nick Moore
The gist: When a selfish Malibu princess finally pushes her father too far, she’s shipped off to a British boarding school, where she’ll get a lesson in ladylike behavior, and the Brits will likely learn to loosen up, creating a happy medium.
Why it might rock: It’s nice to see a credit card-slinging, cell phone-toting brat learn her lesson.
Why it might suck: The movie still has to appeal to its target audience—credit card-slinging, cell phone-toting brats.
Hamlet 2
Steve Coogan, Catherine Keener, Amy Poehler
Directed by Andrew Fleming
The gist: A high school drama teacher has his students put on a musical sequel to Hamlet.
Why it might rock: It was snatched up quickly at this year’s Sundance Film Festival.
Why it might suck: Responses at Sundance were, however, decidedly mixed.
August 29
Babylon A.D.
Vin Diesel, Gerard Depardieu, Michelle Yeoh
Directed by Mathieu Kassovitz
The gist: A mercenary protects a woman who is being chased by a cult.
Why it might rock: The weird sci-fi premise—the woman is carrying an organism that the cult believes will become the messiah—might just be crazy enough to work.
Why it might suck: Subject to endless delays, the movie arrives with all the promise of Diesel’s last sci-fi epic, The Chronicles of Riddick.
College
Drake Bell, Kevin Covais, Andrew Caldwell
Directed by Deb Hagan
The gist: When three prospective freshmen visit college, they agree to a fraternity hazing in order to gain access to the college parties. When the frat boys go too far, the pre-frosh fight back.
Why it might rock: Drunken hijinks, babes, wasting time—college movies are fun for all the same reasons college is.
Why it might suck: Oh, it’ll suck. These movies always do. Come to think of it, so did college.
Traitor
Guy Pearce, Jeff Daniels, Neal McDonough
Directed by Jeffrey Nachmanoff
The gist: Plot details are scarce for this thriller, which involves the CIA targeting one of its own—an operative working with a terrorist group.
Why it might rock: It’s got a solid cast and is based on an idea credited to Steve Martin. Intriguing …
Why it might suck: Audiences have been betrayed by lackluster thrillers with predictable twists before. Et tu, Heist?!