Punk rock bowler: Iggy Pop
Edge: Going shirtless has been proven to decrease wind resistance. Would also be impervious to the pain of a smashed finger or random ball upside the head.
At-bowl song: “We Will Fall,” The Stooges. From the pins’ point of view, naturally. (And minus the romantic overtones.)
Punk rock bowler: Joan Jett
Edge: The Blackhearts did release Up Your Alley. ’Nuff said.
At-bowl song: “Bombs Away,” Glorious Results of a Misspent Youth re-release bonus track. The “Cherry Bomb” mantra would be perfectly punctuated by a long, fading rumble and explosion of pins.
Punk rock bowler: Joe Strummer
Edge: Streamlined build and hairdo.Disadvantage: Dead.
At-bowl song: “Complete Control,” The Clash. The ultimate punk-rock anthem, and the ultimate goal of ball-release.
Punk rock bowler: Henry Rollins
Edge: Have you ever seen the dude? He could probably launch a ball using just his neck.
At-bowl song: “Let Your Fingers Do the Walking,” Black Flag’s Family Man. “I try and try but I can’t seem to pry my mind from the gutter”? That’s not a bad thing in bowling.
Punk rock bowler: Sid Vicious
Edge: Actually, with his skinny arms and missed turns due to shooting up in the bathroom, he’d probably suck. The entertainment value, however, would be priceless.
At-bowl song: His not-at-all faithful version of “My Way,” preferably with lyrics amended to “Through it all, when there was doubt/I broke pins up and laid them out/I faced the lane and the ball/And did it my way.”
Punk Rock Bowling Tournament. January 17-20, Sam’s Town. Kick-off party featuring The Adolescents, 7 Seconds, Youth Brigade, American Steel, Nothington. January 18, 8 p.m., $15. Jillian’s, 759-0450..