I think the time has come for the next wave of technological advances in the NFL.
Make no mistake, we already have the greatest invention in history -- the computer-generated yellow line that tells you where the first down is. It has changed the game for the viewer. Admit it: When you see a receiver run a curl route and catch a pass a yard short of the first down, your initial reaction is, “Man, he knows he needs to get to that line … what was he thinking?” You momentarily forget he can’t see it, because it’s as visible to you as the goal line.
But a couple of developments last week clearly dictate that more enhancements are needed. Technology is our friend, after all. So, in the spirit of the holiday season, I offer these suggestions, absolutely free:
-- Microphones in the kicker’s helmets: Coaches are allowed to communicate play calls to quarterbacks through microphones and receivers in the players’ helmets, so let’s take this a step further. Nothing is more annoying than the recent trend of a team lining up for a field goal, and the opposing coach waiting until the last possible second to call a timeout, often resulting in the kicker having to attempt the boot twice.
It should be noted that this backfired on coach Mike Shanahan on Monday night, when he called for a stoppage of play just before Tennessee kicker Rob Bironas tried a 56-yard kick. The initial kick missed badly, but because Shanahan was granted the timeout, Bironas was given a second chance and drilled the do-over through the uprights. It was a little ironic since Shanahan was the one who earlier this season started this trend, stopping the clock against the Raiders on a field-goal try.
So rather than use this game-halting, fan-annoying technique to distract the opposing kicker, why not just let the kickers have microphones in their helmets and allow the opposing coaches to heckle them. I imagine the heckling from Caddyshack would be popular. “Miss it, Noonan. Miss it!!!”
-- Give the referee a cell phone with V-Cast: Why does the ref have to run over to some hooded voting-booth-like structure to make a judgment call on a replay? Just have the head zebra pop open his cell phone (most plans have free minutes on Sundays anyway, right?) and have him watch the replay from the 50. That iPhone screen should be big enough, and this would certainly speed up the process.
Or, better yet, just put all of the replay angles up on the Jumbotron. If the fans are forced to wait out these decisions, they might as well see the reason why.
-- Criss-crossing motion sensors on the goal posts and crossbar: Anyone who saw the amazing finish to the Browns-Ravens game last week can appreciate this idea -- or anyone who fondly thinks of Catherine Zeta-Jones in Entrapment, for that matter.
Cleveland’s Phil Dawson lined up for a game-tying 51-yard field goal on the final play of regulation. His kick banged off the left upright, and bounced off of the support structure that extends behind the crossbar, and ricocheted back onto the field.
The officials initially ruled the kick no good, and the Ravens began celebrating, with many players heading into the locker room. The officials, however, huddled up and after a “discussion” (this play was not reviewable under instant-replay rules), determined correctly that the ball had passed over the crossbar, thus making the kick good, and ordered the teams back on the field for overtime.
Cleveland drove down the field in the extra period and Dawson kicked another field goal -- this one actually going through the uprights and landing safely behind everything -- and the Browns capped off a wild 33-30 win.
Side thought: Hey, competition committee, why is that not reviewable? You can review the spot of the ball as it relates to a touchdown or first-down and you can review whether a player is in, or out of bounds. Why can’t you review whether a ball goes over a crossbar? Isn’t the idea to get the call right?
The NFL should install sirens at the top of each goal post that sound off whenever a kick passes through the sensors, the way one lights up in the NHL when a goal is scored. Fans sitting parallel to the 50 yard line who can’t see whether the ball passes through the goal posts would certainly appreciate it.
Enjoy the holidays and the football.
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The celebrity picks:
Lance Burton, Monte Carlo headliner
(19-12-2)
Chiefs –5 1/2 vs. Raiders
Chargers –9 1/2 vs. Ravens
Steelers –15 1/2 vs. Dolphins
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Anthony Crivello, star of "Phantom - The Las Vegas Spectacular"
(17-13-3)
Packers –3 1/2 at Lions
Jaguars –7 1/2 vs. Bills
Cardinals –10 1/2 vs. 49ers
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Danny Gans, Mirage headliner
(15-16-2)
Cowboys –14 vs. Jets
Cardinals -10 1/2 vs. 49ers
Steelers -15 vs. Dolphins
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Oscar Goodman, mayor of Las Vegas
(20-12-1)
Ravens +9 1/2 at Chargers
Patriots –23 1/2 vs. Eagles
Dolphins +15 at Steelers
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Hans Klok, Planet Hollywood headliner
(16-15-2)
Steelers –15 vs. Dolphins
Patriots –23 1/2 vs. Eagles
Bears –2 vs. Broncos
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Wayne Newton, "Mr. Las Vegas"
(12-17-4)
Cardinals –10 1/2 vs. 49ers
Chiefs –5 1/2 vs. Raiders
Giants -7 vs. Vikings
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Penn & Teller, Rio headliners
(21-11-1)
Giants –7 vs. Vikings
Patriots –23 1/2 vs. Eagles
Jets +14 at Cowboys
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Rita Rudner, Harrah's headliner
(18-14-1)
Bears –2 vs. Broncos
49ers +10 1/2 at Cardinals
Browns –3 vs. Texans