Contributors:
Richard Abowitz,
Josh Bell,
Steve Bornfeld,
Greg Cheeseman,
Wesley Gatbonton,
Damon Hodge,
Greg Blake Miller,
Martin Stein,
Stacy J. Willis and
T.R. Witcher
1. Out: Waxing on about the "anticipated arrival" of a Las Vegas art scene. It's here. Go check it out.
In: Waxing. It's pool season. Please.
2. Out: The return of Old Las Vegas
In: The return of New Las Vegas
Out: Competition
In: Mergers
Out: $130,000 three-bedroom houses.
In: Dinner party-wrecking conversations about the possible real estate bubble.
3. Out: Painstaking scrutiny of the interior life of the Catholic Church.
In: Who's in charge of all those Unitarians, anyway?
4. Out: Watching television in real time, the way the networks and God intended.
In: DVRs, TiVo, Satellite-to-brain implants
5. Out: Butt cleavage peeking up from low-cut pants
In: A mirror in which you look at yourself from the back before you go out, and reconsider
6. Out: Weekly's fascination with lists, like, say, this one
In: Weekly's forthcoming fascination with cryptography
7. Out: Inscrutable writing on the butt of sweat pants
Out: Man-pris, or capris for men, no matter what any fashion guru says
In: Pants, plain and simple
Out: Anything for men that needs to qualify itself with the words "for men"
Still In: The Letterman guy saying, "WorldWide pants"
8. Out: Fawning over Rush Limbaugh's vitriolic, right-wing rantings
In: Fawning over Ann Coulter's vitriolic, right-wing rantings
Out: Whining that Fox News isn't nearly as fair and balanced as, say, the New York Times
In: Authoritively citing Al Franken, Janeane Garofalo and other Saturday Night Live cast members as your news sources
9. Out: Rappers starting clothing lines
In: Anyone with a modicum of celebrity starting clothing lines
Out: Baby blue as a gangsta color. We don't care what it's called on the street, it's still baby blue.
In: Fuchsia. Think of it as blue meets blood-red, biyotch!
Out: Biyotch, bi-otch, or any similar bastardization of the perfect word, bitch
In: See Ann Coulter, above
10. Out: Being cool and detached
In: Being passionate
11. Out: Valet parking every night.
In: Ballet parking—take in some other culture!
12. Out: Friendster.com
In: Myspace.com
13. Out: Congressional obsession with Mark McGwire.
In: Congressional obsession with steroid use in the NFL.
Innies: What testes become after too much steroid use.
14. Out: Pimpin' as a verb
In: Pimpin' as a noun. (What's up, pimpin?)
Out: Actual pimping
15. Out: Trucker hats
In: Ewan McGregor
In: Asserting a link between two things that have nothing whatsoever to do with each other. Or do they?
16. Out: Free speech on campus, apparently
In: Booking speakers
17. Out: Fixating on the excruciating details of Britney's pregnancy
In: Runaway Georgia Bride-Watch, the reality TV series!
Out: Reality television
In: Anime
In Again: Gay cartoon characters. Or should we say "out"?
18. Out: Any more Law & Order spinoffs.
In: Privately obsessing on whether Alan Alda will beat Jimmy Smits for the presidency next season on The West Wing
Out: Any reasonable hope of seeing Bill Clinton become First Man in real life
In: Getting all atwitter over the idea of a Hillary Clinton White House anyway
19. Out: The leaky ceiling of the tunnel under McCarran International Airport
In: The leaky ceilings of the Regional Justice Center
20. Out: "Got milk?" phrases that replace "milk" with any other word
In: "What's it to you, lard ass?"
21. Eternally In: Spam mail
Eternally Out: Spam mail
22. Out: Heated talk about campaign finance reform.
In: Round-the-clock political fundraisers.
23. Out: Relentless print analysis of Harry Reid and any quaint mention of Searchlight, Nevada
In: Bruce Woodbury, Man of Mystery
24. Out: Modesty
In: Jane Fonda writing about having threesomes with first husband Roger Vadim and a stream of hookers in her new autobiography
In: Fonda's new autobiography
Out: Feng Shui
In: Jane Fonda's Atlanta apartment (as described by a Time magazine reporter) in which the foyer and hallway are shaped like a vagina, opening up into a womblike living room
Out: Good taste
In: Garages shaped like colons, opening up to an environmental situation that looks like a waste repository
Out: Euphemisms
In: Perception-sensitive terminology
25. Out: A resolution to the West's water crisis
In: The Interior Department mandating Arizona, California, Colorado, Nevada, New Mexico, Utah and Wyoming bicker over the many forms of stalemate.
26. Out: Worrying about the imminent apocalypse ... again. See: NBC's spiritual miniseries "Revelations" that reached 15.6 million viewers and the History Channel's Mysteries of the Bible: Apocalypse: The Puzzle of Revelation
In: Worrying that we're in this for the long haul.
27. Out: The revival of any diet that prohibits bread
In: A nice soft layer of all-natural body fat: It's nature's leisure suit.
Out: Finger foods
In Again: Wendy's chili
Out: Anything nubbish and unidentified in any food you didn't make yourself. Please don't put it in your mouth.
28. Out: Calling anything "hot." Way to ruin it for the rest of us, Paris
In: Calling things "caustic," as in "That new Mustang is so caustic!" or "Your new girlfriend wants to have a threesome with you and her roommate? That's caustic, dude!"
In: Arguing over whether Paris is in or out. Or in. Or out. It's caustic, dude.
Out: "Dude"
In: Dude ranches. Fun for the entire family.
Out: The R-J's horseback and muleback trek across the wild, wild west in which people were injured in the name of fine Centennial journalism.
In: Worker's comp?
29. Out: Complaining about the DMV. They've got snazzy kiosks now! Problem solved!
In: Complaining about restaurants that don't take reservations: "But I don't want to carry around a little flashing red beeper for 45 minutes! Here's $20."
30. Out: Self check-out lanes at grocery stores that chastise you when you've removed something from the bagging area.
In: Self-check out pharmacies, wave of the future
In: Video games in which you, as a cop, opt for drugs and experience momentary elevated performance!
Soon to be In: Video games in which you, as an addict, lie tied down to a rehab gurney seeing millions of evil bugs crawling out of people's eyes, and beg for sobriety
31. Out: "What Happens Here, Stays Here"
In: "Vegas: Everybody Here is Fleeing From Something"
*
*
See Runaway Bride, above
Out: Comparing Las Vegas to other cities (NOTE: Weekly did this last week, and will again in near future. Nonetheless.)
In: Comparing Las Vegas to small, hand-fed rodents
32. Out: Chanel-type sunglasses; the type you see worn inside nightclubs
In: Welding goggles; the type that let you stare all you want at Rehab
33. Out: SUVs that are bigger (and better equipped) than U.S. Army tanks
In: Frugal, stylish, classic Yugos
Out: The Iraqi War that we're still not out of
In: How will we ever get out of the Iraqi War we're still in?
Out: Oil and gasoline (unless you've emptied your kid's college fund)
In: Frugal, stylish, classic Yugos, equipped with either a) hybrid technology or b) holes in the floorboard for Flinstone foot action
34. Out: Exit signs
In: Entrance signs. Or do we have that backwards?
35. Out: Cheering aggressively while your kids play ball
In: Playing ball with your kids
36. Incredibly out: Paula Abdul's denial of drug abuse and insistence that her drugs are prescribed for a medical condition
Really Out: Paula Abdul's driving misadventures
In: Paula Abdul's rumored backstage affairs with American Idol contestants
Really In: Wasn't Paula Abdul that 80s singer?
Incredibly In: She seems like a nice little woman, but can you change the channel?
37. Out: Poker
In: Poker. It's universal—in, out, up, down, sideways, on every channel.
38. Out: Tipsy fat cat Wynn executive and politico wife driving in Porsche Boxter on a nice April night on the Strip
In: Tasered, arrested, cops don't care you know Michael Mack, locked up
39. Out: Theme weddings
In: Theme divorces: "Break it off in Old Western costumes!" at the Little White Divorce Court of the West
40. Out: Quality programming on Black Entertainment Television
In: More ass-shaking videos
Out: Quality programming on many stations
Hard to shake: The appeal of ass-shaking
41. Out: Wondering what Wynn looks like on the inside. (Answer: He's flesh and blood and approximately 600 microchips and 2,000 circuit boards, just like the rest of us.)
In: Wondering whether the Trump International Hotel and Tower will look like Bellagio, too.
42. Out: Trials, Retrials, Re-enacted Trials
In: Guilty / Not Guilty fortune cookies: "Your honor, we find the defendant ... will likely experience romance in the near future ... Guilty!"
43. Out: Professional hockey
In: What? Hockey was cancelled? Can they do that? I love hockey. When did this all happen?
44. Out: The Boston Red Sox. (So 1918 to 2004). (So in a movie now.)
In: The Washington Nationals (they don't suck!).
45. Out: Celine Dion
In: Barry Manilow
Truth: Nobody knows the difference.
46. Out: We're so landlocked.
In: What? Have you driven to the road to Tonopah?
47. Out: Any attempt to order your pastrami on pumpernickel while fingering your Blackberry
In: Convenience stores and delis with "No Service While On Cell Phone" signs
Soon to be in: Rows and rows of vacant convenience stores and delis; a cell-phone-less ghost town
48. Out: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome: Wasn't there a time when everyone was suffering—suffering!—with this affliction?
In: "Side effects may include hypothermia, rash, fever, anal leakage, hair loss, vision impairment, sleep disorders, ingrown toenails, strange tolerance for the Bush Administration, heart palpitations, hunger, weight loss, weight gain, extra hitches in your getalong, mild paralysis of the lips, tongue, and throat, deep sense of existential angst, longing for the 1950s, sleeplessness, anxiety, depression, desperation, devastation, deviation, suicidal tendencies, longing for the music of Suicidal Tendencies, congestion, runny nose, headache, back ache, complete muscular atrophy, fondness for Kristy McNichol, indigestion, exasperation, humiliation, public humilation, fondness for public humiliation, fixation on the Social Security system, funky dreams, ill-advised decision-making regarding one's sleepmate, alcoholism, maternalism, creationism, fetishism, judgmentalism, superhero-like strength and a concurrent desire to pick up parked cars and toss them around like stones, and/or carpal tunnel syndrome."